6-12-09 – Drake…. J/Hom bought us a laptop

thiis is going ot be short beause we’re very over thetop suffering from pain and toxicity crisis.  and we been able to eat only once today and have been sick to death since.  its getting scfary serious business

our computer diedon us right before or  after thef ire and luce-annes death,whihd seem like they were one day after the next but we’re told no.  anyway here we are for months now probably 85% confined to bed and with no laptop, wer’re taking nuts time. 

well Jess/hom brought their brand new laptop they bought themselves cashforwith their own paychecks andessentially gave it to us whenwe’re awake and the toxicikty hasnt got us knocked out.

well today she went out wtih another several saved up checks and bought US a laptop – bigger and better and more poiwerful and just everything than ours – which was our baby i tell you. 

they bought us a computer dude.  us.  we told them no no you need a new bed and she saidee bed can wait you cant and once you rebuilt a ocdmputer for me and another time you bought me a new one.  i’m paying you back.

i’m sitting here now and we’re getting scared the toxicity is getting so bad and symptoms and suffering so bad, afraid we’re gonna die this time, not gonna get outta this one – sitting here on our wonderful got it all beautiful HP laptop our Hom, my J, bought us. 

NOBODY but our dad a couple maybe three times and years ago that friende who bought us a computer when some mults wrote that book we were seeking a publisher for when one of the writers pulled out.  when we tried to pay her backi, she said just do it for someone else some day. 

 well i don’t know if you want your name mentioned, but we never forgotten you netierh. even with our mind going.  and we want you to know we’ve bought computers for other people, we’ve sent otehrs rent and food money, we’ve taken in “disaster victims”.  we want you to kno w that ever time we did, we have thoguht of your kindness and what you did for us.  we want you to know because sometimes we have our moments where we also wonder ourselves- but SOME people do give back.

now i’m am so doped up you wouldn’t believe (yet dont even feel it – just feel enough pain relief to be able to think a little ande not cry like a girl)  just so us guys here even won’t cry and wryth with pain, on our beautfiul wonderful new laptop our “jessie” (Jess/Hom) bougtht us. 

we all love them with all our hearts.  many in our fam here do.  but i got to tell you, if I loved J any mnore, my heart would burst. 

thank you J.  thank you Chris and Fifteen and Christine and Lisa and all you at Hom.  on god thank you for this and for everything.   thank you god for sending them to us. thgeir constant encouragement and nmorale helps us live some days in which on trust me we could so easily choose not to bgecause we are so tired and jsut done. so tired

i cant go on. i’m crying again from emotion.  i’m a fucking emotional mess.

drake for my system(yeah If ianlly saw long ago now it seem that its MY systemand not just them andme)