11-11-07 – Cam… another thing i’m sick of

eating.  I’m sick to death of fucking eating.  like we’ve already eaten twice today.  TWICE.  and it aint even lunch time.  we’ll eat another 4-5 times today.  at least 3.  but yet we’re fucking hanging on to between 91 and 95 (we’ve hit both ends 2-3 times each) for feels like forever now. i think its been over a month.  how fucking discouraging is that!

at least food tastes like its supposed to now, and we can actually smell something and think it smells good and eat it and it tastes good.  there’s something I guess.   but hell

Cam

11-11-07 – Cam… I’m so sick of this shit

everything about everything.  i’m sick of it.  well except for the ________.  everything else I’m sick of.  well that man’s being real nice.  _________’s being mostly nice and helpful some in sending food.  ok there’s a few things I can still deal with but not much.

I only had one friend anyway you know.  the only friend i allowed myself to have after being forced to fucking front after people started getting so screwed up by that devil.  but my friend is gone.  supposedly i made her nuts by sending a msg thru that nut case that the REAL person would damn well get.  

so what’s that done to me?  oh besides confuse the shit outta me?  I mean come on.  She KNEW i would never make a sexual reference to her much less something about me being “good”.   she knew i’d  never done that and i knew she hadn’t and we didnt even talk about that shit.  so what fucking sense would it make for me to send her a sexual msg? like NONE

what i had done was we’d be talking sometimes about how we both felt like freaks in our system, her cause she could see things in people and that wigged everybody out and me cause i’m a whisperer and we’re all posers, and everybody thinks we’re freaks.  so when we’d talk about that, i’d lighten the mood sometimes by telling her i was the best poser except for Donovan and Cilla and maybe Amy when she’s sane, telling her “I’m just that good” and she’d whatever me and we’d both laugh.

hello.  if that was something you always like freaking did with somebody and you wanted to send them a msg cause thats the only way you had since their devil was evidently the totally in control front person (whatever btw) had cut off contact again, what  would you say to make them understand something, let them know it was you and NOT drake, and that you were on top of the latest shit?  you would send a msg that you fucking knew they’d  get!  

so whatever to me supposedly making her nuts with that msg.  just fucking whatever.

so in comes the confusion.  if i know that my msg would NOT mess her up, then common sense tells me that a) either that messed up person aint her or b) they’re lying to me and she’s trapped somewhere or c) there never was a “________”.  beats the hell outta me anymore as to which it is. 

hell if i know.  i mean damn, Drake dont even know no more so how am I supposed to know when I didnt even know any of those people 3D if he’s fucking confused now? 

i hate people