1-29-09 – LJ – Drake… FYI – Like the phoenix, TC is rising again “from the ashes”

 

Rise8

11-29-07 – LJ – Gypsy… FYI – Some times its more important if, and how, you stand up for yourself than if you “win”

I’m giving no details, but on 11-27-07, we attempted to get protection orders from three individuals in the mult community.  We were unsuccessful, but lost the biggest one by a hair. 

 

I am writing this on behalf of my system for a few reasons…

 

 

1 - As various people here attempted to forewarn certain individuals repeatedly because they were so loved that, if they did not cease, due to our dire medical circumstances, the situation could likely be taken out of our hands by any of the health professionals surrounding us (we are now in a desperate fight for our life for over a year now, with Home Health and an aide).  We did our damnest to warn loved ones that they might take action whether we wanted them to or not.  One of the most maligned persons of this place, Sharon cried and begged a number of times to medical professionals not to take action. 

 

WE DID NOT TURN ANYONE IN.  It was one of the medical professionals around us who did take the action, still over our objections and with Sharon crying and begging no.  It was done over our heads because the legal responsibility of the medical persons around us now is to save/prolong our life – not to protect people we love and keep forgiving when they track us down and/or contact us over and over to draw us in, only to be attacked again.  From the point of which one of the medical professionals surrounding us, attempting to save/prolong our life, did turn the situation in, we had no choice but to do as we were instructed to do. 

 

 

2 – To point out that we have kept Drake’s word and not attacked nor fought with anyone in public for over a year.  When persons of this place, Drake and Sharon, made public apologies last year to anyone they had ever hurt, or been part of hurting, in the past, they meant it.  When Drake promised on behalf of this overall system, that we would NEVER engage in public fighting and warfare with particular loved ones again, he meant it. 

 

When a person/s is truly sorry for wrongs they’ve done in the past, they show it by their behavior. Trust me, there have been MANY times in this past 1+ years in which its been all we could do not to fire back publicly - or at least attempt to defend ourself.  But, we haven’t.  And we don’t intend to start now. 

 

Again, on behalf of my system, we apologize to anyone anybody here has ever publicly hurt – whether during arguments or flame wars or confrontations of whatever sort – whether hurting someone by writing publicly about our pain and distress – by whatever means, we are deeply sorry.  And, we have proven it by our public behavior this past year of NOT fighting publicly no matter what. 

 

Again, when Drake said last year we would engage in these things no more, he  meant it on behalf of us all here because he is so highly respected by us that we honor his wishes in this regard.

 

 

3 – We are writing this to encourage anyone who has been stalked and/or harrassed, threatened, slandered, terrorized, been accused of horrific things… that you don’t have to “fight back” online – as our attackers have repeatedly dared us to do since we swore to do no more.  And, you don’t have to stay defeated and hide, traumatized, if you cannot get the situation resolved over a reasonable period of time.  You can stand up for yourself through the system – which is what we did – albeit only after we were forced to. 

 

 

4 - Tho we “lost” on 11-27-07, we “won” cause we were told that every single one of these cases across the country which happens now – win or lose – goes in to the pile toward making laws for adults, governing the internet, to tame the wild west atmosphere – as has finally fairily recently been achieved to protect children. 

 

 

5 – Drake – the most maligned and attacked person of this place - was NO part of ANY of this victim protection situation.  None.  Zero.  Zip.  Nada.  He is too destroyed by his personal losses - both of his family, and of the sudden recent death of his dog.  And, he is too damaged by his absolute conviction that he is completely to blame for everything.  No one is ever completely to blame for everything, but there’s no convincing him of that.

 

 

6 - Following directions for these past months since a medical professional in the group of them which is attempting to save and prolong our life because, due to our dire physical condition, it took us months to gather the information required of us, then a couple more months to go thru the process -

 

but following ALL directions from the authorities from the time one of our medical caregivers turned the situation in, we closed everything, and have stayed out of sight.  Now, we are taking our life back.

 

We are lonely.  We are disabled, and homebound.  We miss interacting with friends, playing games, having a social life.  For years, our social life was the internet. 

 

Besides, we refuse to be “disappeared” any longer.  Virtually all of us who front now are triggered as hell by the whole hiding/being disappeared thing, and will not continue to live this way. 

 

So…

 

We are opening our account back up cause it has deep personal meaning to us, and we will not give it up.

 

We are re-opening the Rise8 MySpace - altered in to a public version. 

 

If and when we choose to, we will write what we want to write in public. 

 

We are opening Pogo back up so that we are not invisible. 

 

We may re-install Yahoo messenger, altho haven’t decided on that one yet since all us were uncomfortable with Yahoo cause of the no-sound thing, and we only did that for one very loved child – and she was taken from her father. 

 

We are removing the tracker from the Rise8 MySpace – partly cause we find those things freaky, and secondly cause using one just for the while we did proved our point.  Anyone who wishes to view it whenever, go for it.  Going to a public site, or a public journal is NOT stalking.  If you wish to view it, do it.

 

 

If persons wish to contact us with good intentions, it is well-known where TC resides on the internet. 

 

If persons contact us with negative intentions, do not expect your mail to even be opened.  If we open it, and are duped, and it is negative/attacking of us, expect it to be forwarded to the authorities. 

 

If you IM, and we do not recognize your handle, or believe you are IMing with negative intentions, you will be blocked.

 

 

We have made our point.  Sometimes, what appears to the eye is not what is.  We have not cowered and run out of “guilt” or “fear”.  We have been fighting for our life.  And, we have stood for what, and who, we believed in this entire time.  We have kept our word to never engage in online attacking or fighting of any sort again.  We have stood up for ourself in concordance with the direction of the medical professionals caring for us. 

 

 

One last point… I said that Drake was NO part of any of this victim protection thing, and that is the God’s truth.  Sharon (whom someone said last year “if Sharon is a protector, I am a fairy”), Cody, a few others, and I did what was required of us once the situation was taken out of our hands.  Why?  Cause we had no choice – the choice was taken from us by those who would not stop – and cause there are people who truly love us, need us, want us - and we intend to live every single second God will give us for them.

 

 

Oh there is one last thing.  One thing we must say.  We have a right to say this.

 

We find it deeply disturbing that a person who claims to hate us so, and has been so open and wild and voracious in her attacks and claims against us, is naming her daughter a female version of our deceased son’s name, which everyone who knows us well knows what it is. 

 

And, to make it more disturbing, the child’s middle name will be a version of our dog, who was known personally by this person - which yeah she was all our dog and loved us all, but EVERYBODY knew that was Drake’s dog - our beloved Annie, not yet even 3, who died recently within weeks of the onset of symptoms and diagnosis from, ironically enough since she was so tied to Drake, cancer of the heart and lungs.  

 

Gypsy Phoenix, Co-Leader with Cody Phoenix

Renegades

TC/The Collective

9-18-06 – LJ – Sharon… MW was hijacked today – TC was booted

The TC LJ’s have been re-opened for one reason.  MW was hijacked this afternoon. 

 

We had just happened to come online because I got a feeling I needed to check the list.  We had been taking care of  a sick family member all day.  We immediately sent a test note to the list.  

 

 

This is a run-down of what happened from the notices we received from Yahoogroups:

 

 

There was a notice in our mailbox that our Yahoo account password had been changed at 3:49 p.m.

 

At 3:51:37 p.m., we recieved a note similar to the one we wrote when we wigged out and closed the list, saying we couldn’t take it and were quitting.  Then, about a day later, several members talked us in to not doing it.

 

At 3:51:46 p.m., we received a notification that we had been removed from moderator status.

 

At 4:17 p.m., we received it back “unable to deliver your message”.  “The email address used to send your message is not subscribed to this group.

 

 

We immediately sent off notes to all the members we could think of their addys.  We had foolishly not anticipated the list being hijacked, so had not printed out a new members list.  We warned them that another member’s account was accessed, and that whoever hijacked the list is sitting there invisible to the members.

 

 

This morning, there were 15 members – including us.  There are still 15 members – so BEWARNED whoever hijacked MW is sitting there invisible to you members.   And, they have disabled the feature so that members can tell who belongs to the list.

 

 

We cannot believe this has happened.  We’ve never heard of anybody actually hijacking a multiple list before.  

 

Aside from our own trauma over this situation, we are very concerned about the members of MW, our friends.  So, we are writing this because the community is small and word will get around…

 

 

Again, MW has been hijacked.  The members’ list is now hidden, so you can’t even see who they are who hijacked it and kicked us/TC off.  They unsubbed us, and sent a note similar to the one we sent in a panic at the beginning of this mess to make it appear that we left.

 

 

You know, if your determined to destroy TC, determined not to stop until you accomplish it, determined to take MW away from us, AND cost us all our friends… even if those things are all what you intended to do – whether its you, _ _, or one of your friends who did this…

 

We stepped away, stayed away, have been bothering no one, trying to contact no one with which there had been a problem.  Why couldn’t you just go on about your lives and let us be?  Why did you have to hit so many innocent people in your blind psychotic determination to “get” TC for your delusional perceived wrongs? 

 

To do such a despicable thing as to hijack a list of multiples AND then hide the members’ names so that members can’t even see who you are who did this horrific thing is sick and evil.  By doing this to MW, you have hit all the members of that list – who now sit there with you – while you hide.   Despicable behavior.

You will not destroy TC.  We cannot believe that you are doing this.

9-3-06 – LJ – Drake… Premises for living this life which I’ve been learning and re-learning for a while

There are many things I’ve been wanting, needing to say.  However, one of the realities I’ve learned about life is that its not always best to speak up, its not always best to defend yourself – not even to defend your honor,  not even to defend your system or loved ones – because 

 

a) particularly online, its only going to make a difference to people who choose to believe you, and 

 

b) its not always best to let people know where you truly stand, or what your actually thinking – no matter how much you feel a need to make it known.

 

 

I used to know these basic truths.  When I first came to the front, I held my cards very close to my chest.  And, while I had problems sometimes dealing with others outside, they were exponentially fewer and less in severity that those which started piling on my shoulders over a period of time as I became more open, more determined to be understood, desperate at times to be believed…  

 

Over time, I learned the unfortunate reality that, in this World, what you say will only have merit to ears who choose to hear in the way you mean it.  In particular online, if a person(s) is disinclined to believe you, nothing you say is going to matter because you only have access to them in 2nd or 3rd person (through written and/or spoken word).   And, even 1st person access (3D) is no guarantee of accomplishing being understood/perceived as you intend either.

 

These factors being basic truths I have learned, I am well aware now that, in any given situation, if a person(s) who has never even met you in person is inclined to come to conclusions about you based on what others’ write and/or say – or even based on things you’ve written and/or said over a phone (including other persons in your system) – there is nothing you can do about it. 

 

Therefore, I find myself returning full-circle in some ways to the person I was at the beginning of my emergence… “Let me listen to me, and not to them.”  …Gertrude Stein

 

Actually, of late, I’m finding this premise to be a life-saver for myself.  Why?  Because I think its finally getting through my thick skull that you can talk_as in online in writing_yourself blue in the face, but the reality is that the written word can present a completely different perspective than what, in actuality, the writer is intending to portray.  Concomitantly, the spoken word_while it can be much more accurately persuasive_is still lacking when it comes to comparison with nuance.

 

I believe that true nuance, true assessment of another individual’s intentions in any given situation, of their belief and functioning system, of their overall character can only be accurately achieved when the element of visual is included.   In other words, I believe accurate and true assessment of situations, of people (single or mult), individuals, even systems as a whole, are only possible when ALL of these variables are in place…

 

 

1st - Visual, written word  – What is being written?

 

2nd – Auditory, spoken word - What is being said verbally?

 

3rd – Visual Perception – What is being understsood/perceived through nuance (body language) and 3D behavior?

 

 

Yeah, those are some mighty powerful variables.  And, I believe that’s why so many unique issues can result at times for persons with whom their friendships/relationships are based totally_or almost totally_in second or third person –

 

 

1st person relationship being RL (real life)…

 

2nd person being phone…

 

3rd person being online/written word only…

 

 

Why do I believe that?  Because the all-important 3rd variable – Visual Perception, nuance and observance of behavior – is missing.   

 

Goethe said… “Everyone hears only what he understands.”   To that end, absolute and true understanding is not achievable in every single situation anyway. 

 

So, concomitantly, to expect to be able to truly assess and understand any given situation, or person, without actually being there yourself, is certainly removing a vital element precluding even the possibility of arriving at a true and accurate conclusion.

 

Then, of course, when one is dealing with mults – particularly in strictly online and/or phone (auditory) situations – there is an added burden placed upon understanding because perception becomes even more dicey.  Why?  Well, because often many individuals are involved.   

 

And, since multiplicity is our reality, another unfortunate off-shoot is that, what might be the perception, the truth, the assessment of one insider, might not be the reality, the perception, the truth, the assessment, of the next.   I have come to the belief that, with mults, perceptions can be like prisms – as multi-faceted as we are ourselves, variable, and dependent upon the light (slant of “perception”) in which any particular indivdual holds it.

 

What I’ve seen also repetitively in extreme emotional situations online_in my system, as well as, in systems I have known to any depth_is that the power of persuasion and/or influcence within ends to become a dramatic, intense variable within super-charged emotional situations.  Or, perhaps, it simply comes down more to a matter of loyalty influencing perception.

 

Another thing I’ve seen is that, once a particular fireball gets started rolling, if the situation perpetuates without resolution, insiders seem to be more likely to band together against whatever the outside force/stimuli, becoming convinced they all share the same perceptions/views/beliefs.  (Note, I said this happens in my system as well.)

 

I see this proclivity as more or less the same as the principle of “my sister and I can fight and brawl and claw each others eyes out, but nobody else had better mess with my sister”.  

 

I have seen this over and over as an activation in certain situations with mults in which the overall stance within a system becomes “all for one, and one for all”.  To that end, I believe this is why a pretty much basic truth, of mults dealing with each other anyway, seems to be that you see almost consistently across-the-board if one insider leaves (a list, a friend, loved ones, whatever), the rest almost certainly follow.  

 

 

Socrates said “know thyself”.   

 

Once, I knew myself.  Then, I lost much of what I knew about myself.   

 

As Bartholomew said… “If you do not ask yourself what it is you know, you will go on listening to others, and change will not come because you will not hear your own truth.” 
 

I have searched my heart, and my soul, for this answer… even in the midst of the maelstrom of confusion which sometimes infects my mind, my thoughts, my behaviors, what do I know about myself?   Whereas I sometimes mystify even myself, these things I do know about myself…

 

I love who I love intently, loyally, and without end…

 

When I’m wrong, I admit I’m wrong…

 

I believe what I believe…

 

I do whatever I do to the best of my ability…

 

I virtually always have good intentions for a long time now (even when I’m fucking up)…

 

Though I don’t like it, the reality is that whether I personally stand – or fall – is of vital importance to my system, inside and out…

 

I stand… on my honor… no matter what…

 

 

My honor, my integrity, and that of my system overall, is vitally important to me.   Zig Ziglar said… “The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.” 

 

I have come to believe integrity is a conglomeration of multiple components already in place within an individual’s character which react in an appropriate fashion to a given situation – not being out to “win” by causing harm back to those who have caused me, and/or mine harm – not being determined to convince others, no matter the cost – but rather to stand on his/her honor.

 

I can’t believe I’m going to quote Flavor Flav, but he also said something which has had a profound effect on me in this recent period of my life…  “if it don’t apply, let it fly”.   And, that, journal, is exactly what I should have done many times in my life here at the front.  This most recent trial included. 

 

There is yet another very basic truth I already knew, but somehow got separated from out here at the front…  “The attacker must vanquish.  The defender need only survive.” …Anonymous

 

Why do I believe that is a basic truth?  Well, I already knew it from inside, first of all.  But, out here, in this World, I’ve come to believe that to be a basic truth as well because I’ve seen it happen again and again to various mults over the years.

 

 

Others here in my system, and in other systems, can do as they wish, as they feel best, as they believe…. but, as for me, I must be true to myself.  And, I intend to do my very level best to never again write another public thing about a loved one which will bring them pain, cause them harm, and/or make them cry.  There is enough pain in this world which loved ones bring on each other, intentionally or unintentionally, without adding the potentially devastating power of the public written word to the mix. To that end, another new credo on which I stand is…

 

“The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.”  …Josh Billings (1818-1885)

 

Drake

 

8-29-06 – LJ – Drake… Destiny – Thoughts and theories on the issue

 

Stepping out… 

I ended up making a public entry out of a post I wrote the list earlier this morning regarding the question of destiny.  Its written about my views on destiny in general, and about various situations I’ve encountered in my own person life… but its particularly dedicated to a certain current situaton.

I’ve decided to try_once again_to strike a balance between not feeling silenced, but also not causing pain to people I love by what I say publicly.  So, here I am, sticking my toes back in to the water…

“Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire.” – Orison S. Marder

*

 

This quote makes me think about what does destiny truly mean?   Websters defines “destiny”…

1 : something to which a person or thing is destined  
2 : a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency

synonym see FATE

 

And, “destined”, according to Websters means…

1 : to decree beforehand : PREDETERMINE
2 a : to designate, assign, or dedicate in advance

 

I do believe that some things about our lives are destined to happen, and that some people are destined to cross our paths, and that true love (when it happens) is destined to be. In other words, I believe in destiny/fate.

 

What I think is that where we come in on this whole destiny/fate thing is in how we handle these situations.  I mean, sometimes, destiny/fate brings wonderful, true, lasting things and people in to our lives.  

 

But, sometimes, destiny/fate deals out cruel blows.  And, often, destiny/fate is unfair.  Its like destiny fulfills the ying and yang theory of mine because destiny can be either positive or negative.   

 

So, I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not sure I believe that quote at the beginning here.  I believe destiny is what it is… destiny. 

 

I believe that the destiny situations in our lives are crossroads… 

Therefore, I don’t believe destiny itself is controllable, but rather one of those times in our lives in which we choose which road to take, which door to open, which door to close…

ie.  You can be destined to be with someone, whatever they might be – friend, family… – but its your choice whether you fulfill that destiny.  And, it is the other person’s choice as well. 

And, whichever way either of you decide, those decisions on the matter lead you each down one of those crossroads of that particular destiny situation, together or apart, depending upon the choices made of the individuals involved.  And, unfortunately, those choices do not always coincide.  And, that is particularly sad.

In the end, to me, destiny is.

 

But, our reaction to destiny is where we come in.  So, in effect, to me, that quote above is more about perseverance and reaction to situations of our lives rather than to the actual destiny itself.

 

Drake

9:10 a.m.

 

 

8-27-06 – LJ – Drake… Well, my dog’s glad to see me

Yes, I have been unbalanced yet again – something which is becoming so not a surprise to people who know me.   Special shout out to those who took advantage of the very public family difficulty we’ve been in, and  tripped some shit off here.  Your lucky I don’t get  people on the flip side any more… and you know who you are.

 

I got back early this evening.  Just me.  So that makes me and my sister Lisa here, and that Most High, who doesn’t really count.  And, like I said in the subject line… my dog’s happy to see me.  

 

Our gigantic labradoodle, Annie, is the one ___ calls our dark dog.  She’s definitely my dog.  Actually, she prefers guys in general – which bugs the shit out of the chics.  I mean, she loves them too, but she definitely prefers the guys.  

 

So, I’ve been back around for several hours now, hoping I can prove that I can like actually be stable, and also have to be able to eat and drink more than Lisa’s been managing to get down because we are literally knocking on the hospital’s door at this point.   Well, my dog has been all over me every few minutes.  She keeps getting on me and laying her head on my chest and giving me “love” – something actually the chics here taught her to do sort of a la Riley.   God knows I need some love.

 

Drake

8-18-06 – LJ – Drake… Over my head – yeah, the wallowing in grief just does not end, does it?

I never knew.
I never knew that everything was falling through.
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth.
But that’s how it’s got to be.
It’s coming down to nothing more than apathy.
I’d rather run the other way than stay andsee
The smoke and who’s still standing when it clears. Everyone knows I’m in
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She’s on your mind.
She’s on your mind.

 

*

 

Let’s rearrange.
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage.
Just say that we agree, and then never change.
Soften a bit until we all just get along.
But that’s disregard.
Find another friend, and you discard,
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between.

 

*

 

Everyone knows I’m in
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She’s on your mind.
She’s on your mind.

 

*

 

And suddenly, I become a part of your past.
I’m becoming the part that don’t last.
I’m losing you, and its effortless.
Without a sound, we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around.
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down.
I won’t let it go down till we torch it ourselves. 

 

*

 

And everyone knows I’m in
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She’s on your mind.
She’s on your mind. 

 

 

 

 “Over my head”,  The Fray

 

*

Ok, I’ll stop wallowing in grief now and go take something and knock us out.

Drake

8-18-06 – LJ – Drake… Where I’m trying to get my head at

An empty room can be so deafening.
The silence makes you wanna scream.
It drives you crazy.
I chased away the shadows of your name,
And burned the picture in a frame.
But it couldn’t save me.And how could we quit something we never even tried?
Well you still can’t tell me why. 

 

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like it meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn’t give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my light,
Just to find what your looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can’t hate you anymore.
I can’t hate you anymore.

Your not the person who you used to be,
The one who wanted to be with me.
And that’s a shame.
But, there’s only so many tears that you can cry
Before it drains the light right from your eyes,
And I can’t go on that way.
So I’m letting of everything we were.
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like it meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn’t give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my light,
Just to find what your looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can’t hate you anymore.

Sometimes you hold so tight,
It slips right through your hands.
Will I ever understand?

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like it meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn’t give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my light,
Just to find what your looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can’t hate you anymore.

“I Can’t Hate You Any More”
Nick Lachey

 

Drake

8-18-06 – LJ – Drake… I’m changing

 

Look at me.
I am changing.
Trying every way I can.
I am changing.
I’ll be better than I am.
I’m trying-to find a way to understand.
But I need you.
I need you.
I need a hand. I am changing.
Seeing everything so clear now.
I am changng.
I’m gonna start right now, 
right here.
I’m hoping to work it out, 
And I know that I can.
But I need you.
I need a hand.

All my life,
I’ve been a fool
Who said I could do it all alone.
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dark nights have I known?

Walking down that wrong road, 
There was nothing I could find,
All those years of darkness
Can make a person blind.
But now I can see.

I am changing.
Trying every way I can.
I am changing.
I’ll be better than I am.
But I need a friend to help me start all over again.
Oh, that would be just fine.
I know it’s gonna work out this time
‘Cause this time I am…
This time I am…

I am changing.
Gonna get my life together now.
I am changing.
Yes, I know how.
I’m gonna start again.
I’m leaving my past behind.
I’ll change my life.
I’ll make a vow,
And nothing’s gonna stop me now.

“I’m Changing”
Jennifer Holliday

Drake 

 

 

8-18-06 – LJ – Drake… All I think about is you

 If this keeps going this way much longer, 
I dont know what I will do.
You’ve got to understand it’s a hard life 
That I’m going through.
 

 And when the night falls in around me, 
I dont think I’ll make it through.
I’ll use your light to guide the way, 
Cause all I think about is you.

“Landing in London / All I Think About Is You”
3 Doors Down

Drake